No More Bad Excuses for Bad Dates

Just in time for Valentines Day, a cell phone company offers an SOS for stress free dating by offering a way out. Now, when you find yourself on the worst date of your life, for only $.25 simply push a few buttons on your cell phone and your rescue phone call will come through.

I Found My Ex-Fiance's Personal Ad

So, I thought I would help to circulate it by copying and posting it here, just in case there are any single women out there who might read this and think, hey he's the one for me! He's a great catch - - Lives in Tigard on Bull Mountain with all the bells and whistles. And I feel so bad since the holidays are approaching and he is there in that big house all alone.



DWM-44, 6'1". Recently divorced and still unable to let go, but can't/won't admit that. Have joint custody of my 16 yr old son but have no substantive relationship with him due to the fact that I worked so much while he was young and never spent sufficient time with him to build our relationship. So, during the time he lives with me he is constantly on-line playing violent computer games, and I, overwhelmed with guilt, can't/won't take any initiative to set any restrictions. After all, I want to be the fun parent.

I still work really hard at my job in sales and know that its purpose is all about money. Money, money, money, Muuhnee! During my time off from work, I spend it washing my black BMW, black 350 Ford 4x4 truck and matching camper-trailer, or my brand new black Moomba boat until they shine as much as my whitened teeth gleam under the shadow of my Grecian colored dark hair. Its all about appearances baby! Ride around with me and I will make you look good!

Enough about me though, I am really just looking for a cute, visually stunning, energetic, compassionate, affectionate, and completely devoted to me woman who is open to marrying me so I can feel fullfilled, continue appearances and not be a dissappointment to my parents, who are still married and not divorced like me.

I am a very attentive person. I will shower you with phone calls. I believe nothing says I love you more than me on the phone telling you so. I need a women who is always available for my every phone call each morning, noon and night when we must be apart.

You will wake up to my calls in the morning, on your drive in to work, the moment you arrive at work, your lunch hour, right before you leave work, and as soon as you get home. I will time the drive from your house to mine so when you leave to go home, I can call you the second you walk in your house - - attentive, huh? Now you may ask, how will we have time for all these conversations? Not to worry, I won't engage you in long, intellectual conversations ever; just a quick little hello, to see where you are . . . I mean, how you are.

For the times I am unable to reach you when I call, I will show my care and concern for you by interragative questioning of your each and every move since we last spoke. I love details.

I like it when you call me too. In fact nothing sends me running to my psychiatrist faster than not getting a cherished phone call from my beloved in a timely manner. I will tell you, I am always thinking of you and so, you should always think of me too. My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself so I can accept being loved. Don't we all?

Now, while I want you to always look beautiful and excercise, I really don't like you to be noticed by other guys. Because if guys are looking at you while we are out together, I know for certain, that they are approaching you when you go out without me. So, to resolve this, I don't think you should go out without me. But, if you do, not to worry, I will call often to make sure you are alright without me.

The perfect women for me is one who will love me despite my inability to love myself.

She must love me when I bite my nails down to the quick and when I constantly fart loudly in public and blame it on the other guy.

She understands when my back pain from my surgery flares up (conveniently when we are out and I don't like what we are doing) so we go home and I watch Die Hard III for the upteenth time while she gives me a massage.

She even still loves me when I neglect her birthday and does not berate me when I neglect my own mother on mother's day.

She will accept my excuses and apologies even without flowers.

She will encourage me when I tell her I feel like a failure in life and as a parent.

She will be supportive when I am undergoing my treatments for anxiety.

She will even love me when I take viagra and still can't make it work.

Of course, if you have all of these qualities, you deserve better than me and probably eventually will leave me, so to avoid that devastation and possible crushing blow to my ego, I will just have to dump you so that you don't do it to me first.

GO GET HIM GIRLS!!!

IF YOUR FIRST DATE WAS TO A MOVIE LAST NIGHT - RED FLAG - HE'S CHEAP!

Last night was the 24th Annual Cans Film Festival supporting the Oregon Food Bank. I am surprised each year by the minimal number of people that show up to this event. This year was actually the biggest crowd I have seen over the last three years that we have attended. Last year they pulled in just under 125,000 lbs of food, so I am curious to hear what this year brought.

Although the evening is a good family event, it can get rather chaotic with everyone rushing around and from the long commission stand lines blocking the thoroughfares.

One of my complaints is the clogged lines of people waiting for free popcorn and other treats. I would think that Regal Cinemas would by now (I mean this is year 24) have thought up a faster and more effective system for getting people through the lines to their seats before the movie is half over.

Here is my solution: #1 Pre-bag the popcorn. Is that just Too Simple of an Idea or what?
#2 Select 1 line for free popcorn and hand it out assembly-line style.

Anyone wanting to buy other snack foods should have their own line. In addition, they should NOT have the option for butter on the free popcorn. IT is after all FREE. If you absolutely must have that salty, artery-clogging butter on your popcorn, then you may stand in the snack line with your popcorn, and wait your turn. There are just too many people to serve on free movie and popcorn night to handle them as on regular movie night. That's all for my opinion.

PICK ME

I watched the premier of The Batchelor last night. Talk about a waste of time. Of course, what television isn't. This week I didn't watch it over at my grandma's because she is up visiting my mom in Washington. Anywho, next week, I'll have to see what grams thinks of it this time.

There is just something disturbing about a bunch of women fighting over one guy and then thinking that they have "some connection" with him - yea missies, I'll let you in on a little secret - about that "connection" . . . it has absolutely nothing to do with anything long term. Yes he wants you. For one steamy night, that is. Good luck to you all. I'm sure they will all get what they came for, a little tv spotlight action. Here's to true love and not giving up hope. Yea sure, whatever!

I Miss You

My heart is a canvas that you painted black as coal,
soaked in ice and burned with cruelty.
It is over - us.
Me, I am just beginning again.
Living forward. Healing with scars
Trying to forget.