Tuesday, November 09, 2004


So, now the judge has dismissed juror #7.
I think I will just wait to watch the movie. In fact, this trial has gone on so long I will probably Ti-Vo it to skip the commercials. Plus, then we can see more of Ben. Look a lot alike I think.

I Found My Ex-Fiance's Personal Ad

So, I thought I would help to circulate it by copying and posting it here, just in case there are any single women out there who might read this and think, hey he's the one for me! He's a great catch - - Lives in Tigard on Bull Mountain with all the bells and whistles. And I feel so bad since the holidays are approaching and he is there in that big house all alone.

DWM-44, 6'1". Recently divorced and still unable to let go, but can't/won't admit that. Have joint custody of my 16 yr old son but have no substantive relationship with him due to the fact that I worked so much while he was young and never spent sufficient time with him to build our relationship. So, during the time he lives with me he is constantly on-line playing violent computer games, and I, overwhelmed with guilt, can't/won't take any initiative to set any restrictions. After all, I want to be the fun parent.

I still work really hard at my job in sales and know that its purpose is all about money. Money, money, money, Muuhnee! During my time off from work, I spend it washing my black BMW, black 350 Ford 4x4 truck and matching camper-trailer, or my brand new black Moomba boat until they shine as much as my whitened teeth gleam under the shadow of my Grecian colored dark hair. Its all about appearances baby! Ride around with me and I will make you look good!

Enough about me though, I am really just looking for a cute, visually stunning, energetic, compassionate, affectionate, and completely devoted to me woman who is open to marrying me so I can feel fullfilled, continue appearances and not be a dissappointment to my parents, who are still married and not divorced like me.

I am a very attentive person. I will shower you with phone calls. I believe nothing says I love you more than me on the phone telling you so. I need a women who is always available for my every phone call each morning, noon and night when we must be apart.

You will wake up to my calls in the morning, on your drive in to work, the moment you arrive at work, your lunch hour, right before you leave work, and as soon as you get home. I will time the drive from your house to mine so when you leave to go home, I can call you the second you walk in your house - - attentive, huh? Now you may ask, how will we have time for all these conversations? Not to worry, I won't engage you in long, intellectual conversations ever; just a quick little hello, to see where you are . . . I mean, how you are.

For the times I am unable to reach you when I call, I will show my care and concern for you by interragative questioning of your each and every move since we last spoke. I love details.

I like it when you call me too. In fact nothing sends me running to my psychiatrist faster than not getting a cherished phone call from my beloved in a timely manner. I will tell you, I am always thinking of you and so, you should always think of me too. My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself so I can accept being loved. Don't we all?

Now, while I want you to always look beautiful and excercise, I really don't like you to be noticed by other guys. Because if guys are looking at you while we are out together, I know for certain, that they are approaching you when you go out without me. So, to resolve this, I don't think you should go out without me. But, if you do, not to worry, I will call often to make sure you are alright without me.

The perfect women for me is one who will love me despite my inability to love myself.

She must love me when I bite my nails down to the quick and when I constantly fart loudly in public and blame it on the other guy.

She understands when my back pain from my surgery flares up (conveniently when we are out and I don't like what we are doing) so we go home and I watch Die Hard III for the upteenth time while she gives me a massage.

She even still loves me when I neglect her birthday and does not berate me when I neglect my own mother on mother's day.

She will accept my excuses and apologies even without flowers.

She will encourage me when I tell her I feel like a failure in life and as a parent.

She will be supportive when I am undergoing my treatments for anxiety.

She will even love me when I take viagra and still can't make it work.

Of course, if you have all of these qualities, you deserve better than me and probably eventually will leave me, so to avoid that devastation and possible crushing blow to my ego, I will just have to dump you so that you don't do it to me first.


Monday, November 01, 2004


I about died when I saw how much candy my 12 yr old came home with last night. I am sure that I am not alone and stand with millions of other parents (including those of the six friends my son went around the neighborhood with - - chaperoned, of course), when I ask what would be the most positive, least harmful way of disposing of this sugary enemy?

This is an attack or be attacked situation (I speak from last week's experience when my 15 yr old underwent a root canal). Therefore, I must prepare for battle!

So, when I picked up my son, on the car ride home I told him the deal. "Bren" I said. "You have 2 days to eat any and as much of that candy you wish, but in 2 days, I will take all candy remaining." He looked up at me with the greatest fear in his eyes, and clutched his pillow case filled with candy close to his chest, white knuckles and all. "No, Uh, Uh?" he said, shaking his head. "Yep," I said pleased with myself. He then pointed out to me that he could never eat all that candy in 2 days (Oh, Really? How terrible) Then he promised that he would not eat all of it if I didnt' take it. Hmm? How that would work exactly?

What do I plan on doing with the candy remaining? I think perhaps I will put it up on Craigslist, or give it to the the first person here who can guess my middle name.